


Knowing Who You Are Helps

by Zastria



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: Akoiromantic character, Aromantic Character, Gen, Grey-romantic character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 07:42:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2183526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zastria/pseuds/Zastria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan Watson doesn't like being woken up early and she doesn't like being told who she is but Sherlock's comments about her romantic orientation lead to an unexpected discovery.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing Who You Are Helps

“WATSON!”

Being woken by Sherlock Holmes was nothing new for Joan Watson. It happened at least once a week, usually more. However, this was the first time she'd been interrogated about her romantic orientation that early in the morning.

“Sherlock, it's four-thirty am,” she groaned, pulling her pillow over her head to block out the sunlight as he threw her curtains open.

“Your point being?”

“Normal people are asleep at this time!”

“You were a doctor, you shouldn't have a problem with early mornings. And you knew when you agreed to stay here that I do not fit most people's definition of 'normal'.” Sherlock looked faintly disgusted at the idea and turned back to the bed to address Joan's shoulder, the only visible part of her. “Anyway, I've figured it out.”

“If this is about the art thieves it can wait until a more reasonable time.” 

“It's not about that, I solved that last night. I've figured out your romantic orientation.” Sherlock announced almost proudly. Joan slowly pulled the pillow off her head to stare at him in disbelief.

“ _What?_ ”

“You, like me, are grey-romantic. I don't know why I didn't notice the signs sooner.”

“Firstly, I don't even know what that is, and secondly, it doesn't sound urgent so you need to leave so I can go back to sleep.” Joan glared at him.

“Then I'll explain. Romantic identity can be-”

“ _Sherlock!”_

“Fine. But frankly, I thought you'd be a little more excited about discovering this about yourself.” He marched out of the room. If Joan was a more violent person and currently less attached to her pillow she'd probably have thrown it at him as he left but as it was she contented herself with growling at Sherlock's retreating back.

–

Joan ignored Sherlock when she left for her morning run but couldn't help but think about what he'd said. Grey-romantic? What did he even mean by that? She'd looked the word up once she was properly awake but hadn't felt much connection to it. Sherlock might be exceptionally good at deducing things but that didn't mean he was always right and Joan was annoyed that he'd intruded on her personal life again.

By the time she returned to the brownstone, Joan's run had eased much of her annoyance and she'd decided to forget about the early-morning conversation. That plan lasted for approximately ten seconds after shutting the front door because apparently, Sherlock had other ideas.

“Watson! You can ignore me if you like but you really should listen to my reasoning for my deductions about your romantic identity!” Sherlock called as Joan headed for the stairs.

“I don't want to hear it, Sherlock.”

“And I didn't want to have to apologise to that ghastly woman last week but you insisted I do that.”

“That is _not_ the same thing. You deliberately spilled coffee on her coat because you didn't want to hear her talking about her baby any more. You were rude and she deserved an apology. I, on the other hand, didn't ask to be woken up so you could give me your opinion on my personal life.”

“Not your personal life, Watson, just your identity.”

“Oh, and that makes it okay then!” Joan couldn't help the sarcasm. Sherlock Holmes had an infuriating knack for bringing that out in her.

“I was merely trying to help. Understanding who you are and having a word to describe that can be very beneficial, as I myself have discovered.”

“That's great for you,” Joan called over her shoulder as she turned and continued up the stairs. “But I don't need your help understanding myself. You don't know everything.”

“You know I'm usually right though!” Sherlock shouted after her.

–

Sherlock didn't bring up the subject again for the next few days and Joan was glad he'd backed off but she still couldn't help thinking about. She didn't feel that comfortable with the idea of being grey-romantic but she'd sometimes felt that her experience of romance was different to other people's. It wasn't anything she'd ever been able to pinpoint but it was there and now Sherlock had drawn attention to it the feeling was one her mind kept coming back to. She didn't want to examine those feelings too closely, worried that her differences might be more than she'd realised but she couldn't keep ignoring them.

Finding information about romantic orientations was harder than she'd expected. There was just so little content out there and there were some confusing definitions and debates over the names identities should be called but she began to make sense of the romantic and aromantic spectrum. It surprised Joan how vast the range of identities was, how people were creating their own words to describe themselves when the currents ones didn't fit them right. She felt inexplicably happy as she scrolled through websites and blogs talking about the aromantic spectrum. It was a whole new world she'd never imagined existed before, a world of people discovering themselves, supporting each other, and defining how they wanted their relationships with others to work. Idemromantic, quoi/wtfromantic, recipromantic, the list went on. Then she discovered the word “akoiromantic”. She read it was previously known as lithromantic and meant someone who “experiences romantic attraction, but does not wish for (or does not require) those feelings to be reciprocated”.

Joan stared at the screen in shock. _Akoiromantic._ She'd spent her entire life being taught that people should enjoy having their romantic feelings returned and the notion was so ingrained in her that she'd tried to make herself believe that she _was_ happy when that happened. For the first time ever Joan Watson allowed herself to acknowledge that though there were many people she'd been romantically attracted to, she'd never really wanted their reciprocation. It made her uncomfortable but she'd ignored that because she thought she had to.

She thought about some of her past relationships. When Aaron hadn't wanted to see her again after she'd found out about his marriage Joan had been upset because she enjoyed his company, but she was also relieved because it meant she didn't have to deal with navigating romantic feelings. She doubted she could have stayed with Liam as long as she did if she hadn't felt the need to help him. Being with Mycroft had been nice in some ways but there'd been some relief when that ended too, however much she'd denied it. She just didn't enjoy romantic relationships the way most people did. Finally understanding why was wonderfully freeing.

–

Joan kept her new-found knowledge to herself for a while. She didn't see it as secret, there was no shame in being akoiromantic. It was just that the discovery was _hers_ and she wanted to savour the feeling before she shared it. Besides, sharing meant having to explain and she knew that some people just wouldn't understand why she felt that way or why she needed the word.

Eventually, she decided to tell Sherlock since there was less chance of him reacting badly than a lot of people would. They'd just solved a particularly fascinating case and were picking through the remains of take-out spread across the table and it felt like as good a time as any so Joan took a deep breath and hoped he'd be positive about it.

“You know when you told me I was grey-romantic?” she began.

“Yes.” Sherlock glanced up from the carton of rice. “Are you about to tell me I was right?”

“No, Sherlock, because you're not always right and I don't feel like grey-romantic fits me that well.” She rolled her eyes at him. “But I did some research and I realised I'm akoiromantic.” The few seconds of silence while Sherlock considered the information felt like a lifetime for Joan.

“So I was right, in a manner of speaking, akoiromanticism can be regarded as a subset of grey-romanticism,” Sherlock looked pleased with himself and Joan rolled her eyes again.

“Just because it can be regarded that way doesn't mean I see myself as grey-ro. Akoi suits me fine and I'm happy with that.” There's a slight challenge in her voice but Sherlock just nods at her.

“You know heart-to-hearts aren't my thing, Watson, but I'm glad you've found an identity that fits you. It's surprising how much difference knowing there's others who feel the same way as you can make.” He stood. “I suppose you've already figured out that Irene was the only person I've ever been romantically attracted to?”

“Of course,” Joan replied.

“Then unless you have any more revelations to share, I'm off to meet Alfredo. I agreed to test the security on his latest car assignment. He seems to think I'll struggle with it.” Sherlock snorted.

–

Once Sherlock had left Joan couldn't stop smiling. A personal conversation with Sherlock was rarely going to last long but as far as she was concerned it had gone well. Maybe she'd tell Marcus next. It didn't matter if she never told anyone else though. She knew who she was and she was happy with that.

 


End file.
